THE AUSKETEERS by Lucas Scheelk Ah, I got a joke! Like, it’d actually be offensive if YOU told it, but I can tell it. An autistic spoken word artist, an autistic poet, and an autistic musician walk into a bar. Code Name: FLUFFY, the spoken word artist – Looks you in the eye, laughs mischievously, and stares you down until you hand over the uselessness that is your ego and hypermasculinity. Pajamas and plaid kind of queer. Denim vests underneath black jackets kind of queer. White skin, green thumb, with a golden heart and a grey soul kind of queer. Wields the Power of Sustainability. Code Name: LUCASIMO, the poet – Chants TRAINS in monotone for shits and giggles, in between long periods of uncomfortable silence and highly specific media references, with a lack of patience for those not in sync. Aggressive white twink. Questioning gender specifics. Understands cats more than humans. Wields the Power of Tenacity. Code Name: JOS-PEH, the musician – Singing voice as seasoned as the eyebrow makeup. Twink. Korean. Most believe they can access the musician, know the musician’s thoughts, and capture the musician’s heart, but most never hear the laughs, see the hand flaps, smell the foods made, or converse with while creating outrageous characters. 99% never see the fury. Wields the Power of Credibility. They make the AUTSKETEERS. The Autsketeers walk into a bar – Armored with Adderall-infused 4-hour get-out-of-executive- functioning-hell free cards, vodka straight Monday afternoon pick-me-ups, self-rolled cigarettes, energy drinks, and weed, the Autsketeers convince themselves that under such conditions, socializing in public can be achievable. Wait, I didn’t catch that. The punchline? What? OH! Sorry! I got distracted by the idea of Autistic Musketeers! They’d travel on the lightrail to get to the bar, you know, because TRAINS. They’d battle puzzle pieces and STEM stereotypes because, well... Yeah, you’re right. I guess I need to work on my humor.